Lost, Scared, and Broken: How Self-Awareness Saved My Life

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“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” ~Nathaniel Branden

I felt lost. I felt broken. I felt scared.

As I sat alone in that cold, dark jail cell, I felt like I had hit rock bottom.

My feet chilled against the cold stone floor. The creaky wooden bench, stitched together with narrow strips, tormented me.

Inmates shouted all around me. Their voices echoed in the dark. It was like the noise of the outside world had finally caught up with the noise inside my head. I just wanted to scream.

I was sixteen, but I …

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“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” ~Nathaniel Branden

I felt lost. I felt broken. I felt scared.

As I sat alone in that cold, dark jail cell, I felt like I had hit rock bottom.

My feet chilled against the cold stone floor. The creaky wooden bench, stitched together with narrow strips, tormented me.

Inmates shouted all around me. Their voices echoed in the dark. It was like the noise of the outside world had finally caught up with the noise inside my head. I just wanted to scream.

I was sixteen, but I felt as if my life was already over. Shame and regret filled my heart as I wondered: Is this really all there is? Is this the path my life has taken? Who am I becoming?

For the first time, I faced a truth: I was becoming the person I despised most—my father, a man consumed by addiction and destruction.

My father’s absence was a constant presence in my life. Only occasionally, when he was off one of his benders and attempting to get clean, was he around. But usually, he would drink a lot of alcohol at the house.

I hated him. I hated that man so much for the pain that he caused my mom. The sweetest woman that I have ever known in my entire life. She is the person in my life who taught me about true strength and resilience. She is one of the reasons that I know single mothers are some of the most daring and powerful people.

Despite all the anger and hatred I carried toward him, I was walking the same path, making the same choices.

I’d started drinking and smoking weed at thirteen, began selling drugs soon after, and was eventually caught with varied substances, lots of cash, and a scale.

I was becoming no good, like my father. In fact, I was doing the exact same thing I hated him for—causing my poor mom so much pain.

The weight of that realization was crushing. I felt as though I was drowning in the results of my actions and choices.

I thought of my mother, a single woman. She did all she could to raise us. She had sacrificed so much for me and my siblings. And here I was, her middle child, sitting in a jail cell as the police smashed our house because they thought I’d been running a big drug operation. I was expelled from not just a school but an entire school district.

I pictured her at home, staring at the smashed windows and broken-down doors in hurt and disbelief. The shame of that tore at me. I wanted to be the man who made her proud, the man who helped her, not another weight on her shoulders. I had let her down. I had let myself down.

And at that moment, I knew—I couldn’t keep living this way. Something had to change.

The Moment That Changed Everything

In that cold, uncomfortable jail cell, I asked myself: Who am I becoming? Is this the man I want to be? Is this my future? The fear, shame, and regret were suffocating. I had no tools or mentors to help me through them. But even in the darkness, something clicked.

This was my wake-up call. I had hit rock bottom. I had two choices: continue down this path toward self-destruction or take control of my life. It was now or never.

When I got out, I made a decision to change. I did everything I had to do. I completed my community service. I attended a wilderness program. They put a group of troubled boys together and had them camp on islands for a month. I followed all the rules.

It was one of the places where I first learned to face my fears. Because we were climbing a mountain one afternoon, and it was a steep one.

I had a fear of heights (still do), and I forgot that I had told them this earlier that day or at the start of the program. Honestly, I can’t remember exactly.

That day, I looked up at the mountain we were told to climb and decided to push through my fears. So I climbed. I was breaking my barriers and overcoming limiting beliefs. One instructor said something I can’t recall any teacher or peer telling me back then.

“Look at you overcoming your fears, Eddy. I’m proud of you.”

To be real, I forgot about that moment until now. Writing this blog has brought tears to my eyes.

None of it was easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. It took everything I had. I had to change my habits, face my limiting beliefs, and distance myself from those who wanted to bring me down.

In fact, one of the hardest things then was that my “friends” abandoned me. None of them were there for me when I got out. None of them reached out to me. Still to this day, I haven’t heard any word from them.

But it was the only way forward.

Lessons in Self-Awareness and Reflection

Looking back, I realize that the moment in the jail cell was the turning point of my life. It was the hardest, most painful experience I’ve ever had. But it opened my eyes to the power of self-awareness and reflection.

Self-awareness isn’t about acknowledging your mistakes. It’s about knowing your core self. It’s about seeing the patterns in your life that hold you back. Then, you must choose to break those patterns.

Through self-awareness, I discovered that I had the power to change the course of my life. And that’s what I want to share with you.

How Self-Awareness Can Change Your Life

1. Create space for reflection.

You don’t need to hit rock bottom to start reflecting on your life. Take a few quiet moments in your day. It can be five minutes in the morning or ten minutes before bed. Ask yourself, “Where am I heading?”

Journaling is an excellent tool for this. It allows you to get your thoughts out of your head and onto the page where you can look at them objectively. Journaling has been the saving grace of my entire life.

When I lost one of my best friends to pancreatic cancer, I went backpacking and filled a whole journal.

When I decided to make a big decision and take a risk career-wise, it was through journaling.

When I had to make a decision or process the pain from a relationship, it was through journaling.

If journaling feels overwhelming at first, start with one question: What do I need to let go of today? I ask myself this question every morning. Write down the first thing that comes to mind without overthinking it.

2. Face the truth, even when it hurts.

Real change starts with honesty. Be brutally honest with yourself. Look at your life—your habits, your choices, your relationships—and ask, “Is this serving me?” This level of honesty is uncomfortable, but it’s the first step toward growth. Growth’s largest leaps stem from stepping out of our comfort zone.

3. Start small, but be consistent.

You don’t need to make drastic changes overnight. Instead, focus on making small, meaningful changes in your daily life. Whether it’s improving one habit or letting go of one toxic relationship, these small steps will create lasting change over time.

I learned this from a mentor of mine and James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. Starting small seems pointless to most of us. That change needs to come in one big, massive swipe. But that’s not how we work as people. That kind of change returns us to our original state.

My mentor taught me that if we only move a millimeter to the left or right when driving, it will seem like we’re in the same spot at first. But a week, a month, or a year down the road? You will be in a completely different place in life than you would have if you went straight.

4. Reframe your struggles as opportunities.

I learned a big lesson: Our failures and mistakes are our biggest chances to grow.

When you face challenges, ask yourself, “What is this teaching me?” Reframe your failures as lessons and use them to become stronger.

So often people believe that their pain or the failures they’ve experienced in the past are what’s holding them back when actually it’s their perspective.

These moments in our lives are actually our breakthrough moments. The moments when what was once a should or sometime later becomes a must.

Almost all breakthroughs or massive moments of growth in our lives come from these failures, obstacles, or challenges. Whatever word you want to use. Mine had a significant impact.

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That cold, dark jail cell was the lowest point of my life. But it was also the moment that saved me. Through self-awareness and reflection, I was able to take control of my life and change my future.

For me, the journey started small—taking accountability for my actions, cutting ties with people who held me back, and focusing on one habit at a time. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, and I stumbled many times along the way. But each step, no matter how small, brought me closer to the person I wanted to be.

You don’t need to have all the answers right now. Take the first step.

I urge you to embrace your moments of stillness. They may come in peace or struggle. Use them to reflect on your life.

Don’t wait until you’ve hit rock bottom to ask the hard questions. Take time to reflect on who you are, where you’re heading, and what changes you can make to live a more authentic, fulfilling life.

Next Step

If you’re struggling with where you are right now, take a moment today to pause and reflect. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this? How can I use this to grow?” Embrace the power of self-awareness and start taking small, meaningful steps toward a better future.

Take it from somebody who has been there—small steps do lead to big changes.

So, go grab yourself a pen and paper and begin reflecting, reframing, and moving that millimeter in another direction. You’ll be amazed at how much your life will transform.

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